On Sunday, I was minding my own business (rare) when I came across an article on Nomi’s new “AI companion with Memory and a Soul.” My fingertips itched until I could no longer refrain from penning the ensuing ~essay~. 

On AI companions and social health startups

Like most people alive today with an internet connection and a surplus of curiosity, I have been watching the rise of AI chatbots with intrigue. 

And if you asked me a year ago, I would have told you nothing truly alarming seemed to be brewing in the AI chatbot world. At least, not more so than usual.

Indeed, despite myself, my chatbot optimism even began to grow (!) once some were developed to disseminate accurate health information and help the elderly with medication management.

But the joy was short-lived.

Because chatbot developers came for social health.

Hehehehe.* Let’s discuss.

*Nervous.

You all know this, but to lay it on the table: tech has the tendency to disconnect us from our IRL lives, make us lazy about honing our social skills, and essentially remove the requirement that we regularly meet other humans in person. 

Now listen, I appreciate communication technology as much as anyone. Most of my dearest friends live in far-flung lands and without tech, I’d be totally unable to share my little daily struggles and pictures of my dog with those who care the most.

But here’s the thing: we’re so enmeshed in online worlds that the leap from using tech to communicate with other humans to using it to communicate with AI chatbots is easy. Too easy. 

And now the crucial, adjacent point: Humans are lonelier than ever before, despite all the tech connecting us.

So, to recap: we are in a global loneliness epidemic, struggling to form meaningful social connections, and living increasingly online. 

Where there awaits an AI companion, brimming with schmoozing skills and endless patience. You see where I am going with this.

Now the problem (one of many) is that the startups building these emotionally intelligent bots are touting them as helpful augmenters of real-life social interactions. Mostly along the lines of ‘adding that something your life might be missing’ and ‘giving you the support you deserve’ so you can then be the best social version of yourself IRL. 

Call me crazy. But somehow I don’t think an imaginary friend for adults who panders to your every need, never loses patience even when you’re an asshat, and is waiting up for you at 2 am with a running list of your deepest dreams and desires (just read the reviews!) will help you form better connections with actual humans.

We’re already chasing unrealistic beauty standards. Now, we’re going to be chasing unrealistic social expectations, too. 

And it will make us even lonelier and more isolated from each other. 

but

With every large trend, there are inevitable spin-off trends that pull consumers in the opposite direction. And amid the rise of AI companions, many are flocking to human-generated (a term that was hardly used ten years ago) content and connection.

It’s obvious that helping people build genuine human connections and good social health will become big business. 

Here’s where I see opportunities.

Social fitness is going to be the next big thing 

Social fitness¹ is your ability to build and maintain productive relationships, connect meaningfully with other people, and positively interact in social settings. 

Active listening, empathy, navigating tough conversations, making a good first impression — these are all aspects of social fitness. 

The more socially fit you are, the easier it is to build good social health. And, luckily, social fitness is like a muscle: it can be exercised and made stronger through training. 

So, expect demand for ‘social fitness coaches’ who help us develop a strategy for engaging with the right people, provide training in social skills and communication, ensure adherence to social goals, etc. etc.

And social fitness support for kids will be huge. 

Younger generations, growing up in an increasingly online, AI-led world, will need help excelling at human connection. Wealthy parents are likely to pay big bucks to ensure they do.

We’re going to have to get comfortable with engineering social connection 

Dating apps, for all their evils (of which there are many) do give us access to people we would otherwise never meet. And while Tinder weddings are now totally socially acceptable, we’re not quite comfortable with engineering platonic relationships yet. There is still some level of shame involved in needing help finding friends. 

Let’s get over it. I have a feeling personalized, non-swipey friendship matchmaking and paid niche communities will take the lead here. 

finally

Building true social health, connection, and community is nuanced. It requires one to be deeply vulnerable. None of these problems will be easy to solve — but the startups that do will win on every metric of business success.

~

¹ Social fitness is also used to describe situations where people are exercising together. Exercising socially, in other words. A gym class where interactions are encouraged, if you will. While this idea of “social fitness” is a way to nurture your social health, it is not what I mean when I say social fitness.

P.S. No tidbits this week because this essay was longer than usual, oops! But I do post tidbits regularly on—and it pains me to say this—LinkedIn.

Thank you for reading! If you find yourself frequently enjoying these essays and you’re inclined to forward one to a friend, please do.

New here? Welcome!